Dear Significant Other

Please tell me we haven't met yet, because, if we have, then I'm disappointed.

You see, significant other, I have very high expectations for falling in love. These standards have only gotten worse over time. In order for you to better suit my needs (though you're already perfect, sweetie!), let me explain my warped perception of romance.

Disney is your first enemy. Prince Charming is a name and a literal description. The animated Adonis graced my television screen and won my heart. This happened often with men such as Prince Philip, Prince Eric, the Beast, Captain John Smith, Aladdin and Captain Shang. While royalty or a topless scene was a plus, it was their utmost devotion, unflappable hair, and ability to sing that made me fall head over Hello Kitty sandals. For my love story, I imagined a chance encounter, a princess gown, a cartoon animal sidekick, as well as some sort of enemy with sinister eyebrows. All this would be choreographed and set to music. Also, I would be able to sing and dance and run in heels. Disney set me up for a lifetime of disappointment.

Meaning even after I am dead, I will still feel the sting of shattered dreams. The next enemy to your success is books. Stephen Colbert warned me of their evil intelligence-inducing powers, and I am sorry I didn't listen sooner. Books provided a music-less version of Disney romance with a sprinkle of realism that just couldn't be achieved with 2D romances. Ella Enchanted, for instance, taught me that girls with unfortunate circumstances could marry royalty through a series of convenient coincidences. In Harry Potter, your boyfriend should carry around a short stick that can kill people with green flames. And the most deadly of all, Twilight, changed the way girls thought about boys. I'm not saying you'll have to compete with Edward's lack of common sense or Jacob's infantile passions. But I might seem a little disappointed when you don't sparkle in sunlight or if you can't change into a wolf and simultaneously strip naked. I never quite found interest in more serious romance novels (THE NOTEBOOK), but I'm sure it will also raise my expectations into the upper atmosphere once I get around to reading it. Which, at this rate, should be quite soon for a hopeless romantic like myself.

Manga and anime have also preemptively struck our significant other-ness, but because they are so similar to books and movies, I'll not go into detail. Plus, too many of them involve preteen love-making which is a major turn-off for me.

To ruin our relationship even further, I have also seen plenty of chick flicks. These are a very dangerous poison, because they involve live action fantastic love stories with scrumptious actors. Sure there are plenty of bad ones, but there are twice as many good ones. I have been intoxicated by the story of an intelligent, unique girl who falls for the nerdy, yet surprisingly sexy guy. I have been brainwashed by the awkward situations that blossom into fairy-tale weddings or very very significant high-school dances. I'm not even waltzing into the avenues of chick-flicks that I like! Regardless of the plot line, handsome male actor, or percentage of ethnic characters, each chick-flick has the same theme: Impossibly handsome guy and impossbily gorgeous girl impossibly fall in love. But usually I miss the word "impossible".

When I meet/bump-into/accidently kiss you, I hope the moment is so wonderful that I forget everything I think/thought I ever knew about love. Our relationship will survive my ridiculous hopes for love. You are an outstanding guy that makes me forget about princes, vampires, and Ryan Reynolds. As my significant other, you cannot help but sweep me off my feet. Right?