Dear Interviewer

It's really hard to judge you harshly...you being one of the many who will probably decide my fate for the rest of my life. So instead, I would like to (in a neutral fashion) ask you a few questions:

1) Who are you? Why should I (or the college for that matter) care about your opinion? Given you are an alumnus, how could you possibly know anything about evaluating applicants? Who gave you the responsibility of possibly undoing all the hard work I put into my application for months with a single bad evaluation? How can such an unfair judgment determine the rest of my life? Why must I bare my soul to you, insignificant pawn, whose capricious temper could be the venomous bile that corrodes my destiny?

2) Why do you like Starbucks so much?

3) What if I told you I was already accepted and that this interview was just a way for the college to evaluate its interviewers and if you get a bad evaluation, they'll revoke your degree?

4) If I told you I was just joking, would you find that "refreshingly humorous" or "hopelessly stupid"?

5) I slipped one hundred dollars into your pocket. Would you like to show me what you wrote on your notepad? Or would you like me to give you a few seconds to change it?

6) Are you judging me on what I'm wearing?

7) Why was there an awkward silence after I mentioned that I Googled you before our interview?

Thanks for the interview. I'll be sure to tell all of my friends about how weird it was.

Sincerely,

I-hope-we-can-be-best-friends-because-now-I-know-your-email!