1. Blog hiatuses (hiati? wouldn't that make more sense?) will no longer last three months nor will they consist of eating junk food, writing college essays, and simultaneously staring out into space like a dead sloth while drooling profusely.
2. I will lose weight, approximately 5 to hippopotamus lbs. by next year.
3. I will procrastinate only if there is a tangible benefit to waiting to complete the task immediately before the deadline and only if the tangible benefit is of monetary value. Or if I have a freak-load of homework to do. Or if I have a blog entry to write.
4. I will be nicer to the people around me. I will be more patient with others. I will stop imagining vivid ways of killing people in the most horrifying and humiliating ways while they are talking to me/wasting my life.
5. I will stop being attracted to people who I will probably never meet, especially if there is an appreciable age difference. Also, if they are married or gay. (FAILED AS OF JAN. 1, 2010)
6. I will make my posts shorter because I am lazy and nobody gives a rat's hat.
If I am able to accomplish these six steps by Jan. 1, 2011, I will make six resolutions next year.
See you at the finish line!
Sincerely,
Post-New Year's Delusion
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