Dear Stress

We've been through this so many times and we've had so many disagreements that I think it's time we discuss our relationship in the open. I don't think this is working out.

At the beginning, it was nice. Being with you made me feel mature. You and I just clicked, especially when I started taking Honors classes. It made sense for us to be together. Talking with you (but more often about you) to my friends seemed natural, even if I claimed to see you more often than I actually did. Being "stressed" was cool, and I felt cool about it. Somehow, the distance worked out.

But then you started coming around more often. You kept getting into my face. Things escalated when I started taking AP classes. Those late nights of homework when you came and hung out deprived me of sleep. Even without the homework, you and your pal Insomnia played Halo until dawn. You're around me constantly. It makes me unhappy. When you're near me, I break out with acne craters and pimple volcanoes. And during my monthly "episodes", your presence is unbearable. I'm always complaining about you to my family and friends. Even they're tired of it. I bought a little rubber ball to squeeze, because of you.

I've been unhappy for a while, Stress. It isn't you; it's me. I don't know how to deal with you. In fact, I spend most of my time trying to relieve myself...of you. I think it's best if we start seeing other people. Well, you already have, being with every other person in our grade (literally). Anyway, I found a new man. His name is Motivation and he has a Ferrari. So, bye, I guess.

Stress-free,

Your ex

P.S. Tell your creepy friend, Senioritis to stay away from me. He tried to pet my hair yesterday.